SUPPORTING SOMEONE EXPERIENCING ABUSE

Abuse is not always obvious. Many survivors work hard to hide what is happening because they feel ashamed, afraid, confused, or worried they will not be believed.

You may notice that someone:

• Seems fearful around their partner.
• Constantly checks in with their partner.
• Cancels plans at the last minute.
• Becomes increasingly isolated.
• Appears anxious or withdrawn.
• Has unexplained injuries.
• Makes excuses for their partner's behaviour.
• Has lost confidence or independence.
• Appears to be "walking on eggshells."
• Has limited access to money, transport, or communication.

Starting a conversation may feel uncomfortable, but it can be the first step towards helping someone feel less alone.

Choose a private and safe environment.

You could say:

• "I've noticed you seem stressed lately and I'm worried about you."
• "You don't seem like yourself. Is everything okay?"
• "I care about you and I'm here if you want to talk."
• "You don't deserve to be treated that way."

Avoid pressuring them to disclose information.

Helpful statements include:

• "I believe you."
• "This is not your fault."
• "You are not alone."
• "You deserve to be safe."
• "I'm here to support you."
• "You can talk to me whenever you're ready."

These simple statements can be incredibly powerful.

Avoid statements such as:

• "Why don't you just leave?"
• "I would never put up with that."
• "You must have done something to provoke them."
• "You need to leave immediately."
• "How could you let this happen?"

Many survivors return to abusive relationships multiple times before leaving permanently.

This can be difficult to understand, but it is important to remain supportive.

Try to:

• Listen more than you speak.
• Respect their choices.
• Avoid criticism.
• Offer information rather than instructions.
• Focus on safety.
• Be patient.

Sometimes practical support makes the biggest difference.

Legal proceedings can be stressful, lengthy, and emotionally exhausting.

You can help by:

• Accompanying them to court.
• Helping them stay organised.
• Assisting with childcare arrangements.
• Listening without judgement.
• Respecting confidentiality.
• Encouraging self-care throughout the process.

Recovery continues long after the abuse has ended.

Your support may include:

• Checking in regularly.
• Celebrating small victories.
• Encouraging professional support.
• Understanding setbacks.
• Being patient during difficult periods.
• Reminding them of their strengths.

Men can also experience domestic abuse, sexual abuse, coercive control, stalking, and emotional abuse.

Male survivors often face additional barriers such as:

• Fear of not being believed.
• Shame and stigma.
• Concerns about appearing weak.
• Limited awareness of support services.

If a man discloses abuse:

• Take him seriously.
• Listen without judgement.
• Avoid stereotypes.
• Encourage professional support.
• Respect his experiences.

Children do not need to witness abuse directly to be affected by it.

You can support children by:

• Providing stability and routine.
• Listening without judgement.
• Reassuring them that the abuse is not their fault.
• Encouraging healthy emotional expression.
• Seeking professional support where needed.