SAFETY PLANNING & LEAVING
Leaving an abusive relationship is often one of the most dangerous and difficult periods in a survivor's journey.
Safety planning is about preparing for different situations, reducing risks, and helping you make informed decisions about your wellbeing.
Every situation is unique. Whether you choose to stay, are planning to leave, or have already left, creating a safety plan can help you feel more prepared and in control.
Remember: Your safety and the safety of your children is always the priority.
WHAT IS SAFETY PLANNING?
Safety planning is the process of thinking ahead about your safety and wellbeing in situations where abuse may occur or escalate. It involves identifying potential risks, considering different scenarios, and developing practical strategies that can help protect you and your children.
A safety plan is not a single document or checklist. It is a personalised set of actions and options based on your unique circumstances, needs, and level of risk. What works for one person may not be appropriate for another, which is why every safety plan should be tailored to the individual's situation.
Safety planning can be helpful whether you are currently experiencing abuse, considering your options, preparing to leave, or have already left the relationship. It enables you to think about important decisions before a crisis occurs, making it easier to respond if a situation becomes unsafe.
A safety plan is not about living in fear or expecting the worst. It is about being prepared, reducing risk where possible, and increasing your access to support and resources when needed.
A Safety Plan Helps You:
- Identify potential risks and warning signs
- Prepare for emergencies before they happen
- Create safe exit and escape options
- Protect important documents and information
- Access support quickly when needed
- Plan for the safety of children and pets
- Strengthen your digital and online safety
- Increase your confidence when managing difficult situations
An Important Reminder
Creating a safety plan does not mean you have decided to leave the relationship.
Many people create safety plans while they are still living with or staying in a relationship with the abusive person. Safety planning is about having options available should you ever need them.
Whether you stay, leave, or are still deciding what is right for you, safety planning can help you make informed decisions and regain a greater sense of control over your situation.
GENERAL SAFETY PLANNING
Abusive relationships often create an environment of unpredictability, making it difficult to know when a situation might escalate. Safety planning helps reduce some of that uncertainty by encouraging survivors to think through possible risks and identify practical ways to respond.
Many survivors have learned to focus on managing the abuser's behaviour rather than prioritising their own safety. A safety plan shifts that focus back to the survivor, helping them prepare for a range of situations while maintaining as much control as possible over their decisions.
No safety plan can eliminate all risks, but preparation can help increase options, confidence, and access to support when it is needed most.
Trust Your Instincts
Many survivors report that there were moments when they sensed something was wrong but felt pressured to ignore their instincts. Abuse often erodes confidence and can cause survivors to question their own judgement over time.
Learning to reconnect with your instincts can be an important part of safety planning. If a situation feels unsafe, frightening, or unpredictable, it is important to take those feelings seriously.
If something feels unsafe:
- Take your concerns seriously
- Do not minimise threats or warning signs
- Trust your judgement
- Prioritise your safety over preserving peace
You know your situation better than anyone else.
Safe Places
During a crisis, people often have to make decisions very quickly. Knowing in advance where you could go can reduce panic and provide immediate options if you need to leave unexpectedly.
Safe places do not have to be permanent solutions. Sometimes a safe place is simply somewhere you can go for a few hours while you assess your next steps and access support.
Consider:
- Family members
- Friends
- Neighbours
- Domestic violence shelters
- Religious institutions
- Community centres
- Police stations
Choose people you trust and, where possible, tell them about your situation.
Try to identify both daytime and after-hours safe locations.
Escape Plans
When violence escalates, it can become difficult to think clearly. Having a planned response allows you to focus on staying safe rather than trying to solve problems in the moment.
An escape plan is not about living in fear. It is about ensuring that if you ever need to leave quickly, you have already considered important details such as transportation, safe destinations, and emergency contacts.
If you needed to leave quickly:
- Know where you would go
- Plan several routes out of your home
- Identify exits from each room
- Practise leaving safely when possible
- Arrange emergency transport options
- Decide who you would call first
Keep your plans private if there is any risk that your partner may discover them.
Emergency Numbers
During a crisis, it can be difficult to think clearly, remember important information, or search for contact details. Having key phone numbers readily available can save valuable time and help you access support quickly when you need it most.
Many survivors discover that they cannot access their usual contacts during an emergency because a phone is lost, damaged, monitored, or unavailable. Keeping important numbers in more than one place can help ensure that support remains accessible even in unexpected situations.
Store important numbers for people and services you may need to contact in an emergency, including:
- Emergency services
- Domestic violence hotlines
- Trusted family members
- Friends
- Attorneys
- Medical professionals
- Children's schools
Where possible:
- Save numbers under discreet names
- Memorise key phone numbers
- Keep a written copy in a safe location
- Store copies in more than one secure place
Emergency Funds
Financial abuse is a common form of control in abusive relationships. Many survivors remain in dangerous situations because they fear they will not be able to afford transport, accommodation, food, or basic necessities if they leave.
Even small amounts of money set aside over time can create valuable options during a crisis. Financial preparation is not about planning for the worst; it is about increasing independence and reducing barriers to safety.
If possible:
- Put aside small amounts of money
- Open a private bank account
- Keep emergency cash in a safe place
- Store copies of financial information
Even a small emergency fund can provide important flexibility.
EMERGENCY BAG CHECKLIST
An emergency bag can provide important peace of mind. In some situations, survivors may need to leave quickly and may not have time to gather belongings or documents.
Having essential items prepared in advance can reduce stress and help ensure that important information remains accessible when it is needed most.
The contents of an emergency bag will vary depending on your circumstances, but the following items are commonly recommended.
Documents
Include copies of:
- Identity documents
- Passports
- Birth certificates
- Children's documents
- Marriage certificates
- Protection orders
- Medical records
- Insurance documents
Medication
Pack:
- Prescription medication
- Medical information
- Children's medication
- Essential medical supplies
Aim to keep several days' supply available if possible.
Clothing
Include:
- Change of clothes
- Underwear
- Comfortable shoes
- Children's clothing
- Basic toiletries
Keys
Keep spare:
- House keys
- Car keys
- Office keys
- Safety deposit keys
Important Records
Gather copies of:
- Bank statements
- Financial records
- Vehicle ownership documents
- Lease agreements
- Employment records
- School records
- Evidence of abuse
Both digital and printed copies may be helpful.
DIGITAL SAFETY PLANNING
Technology plays an important role in everyday life, helping us stay connected with family, friends, work, schools, and support services. However, technology can also be used as a tool of control, surveillance, and intimidation in abusive relationships.
Some abusive individuals use phones, social media, email accounts, shared passwords, location-sharing features, or tracking applications to monitor a survivor's movements, communications, activities, and relationships. In some situations, technology may be used to check where someone is, who they are speaking to, or whether they are seeking help.
Many survivors are unaware of how much personal information may be accessible through shared devices, online accounts, family subscriptions, or location services. Reviewing your digital safety can help protect your privacy, reduce risks, and support your overall safety planning.
If you are concerned that your devices or accounts may be monitored, remember that making sudden changes can sometimes alert the abusive person. Consider seeking advice from a domestic violence service or digital safety professional if you believe surveillance may be occurring.
Password Safety
Access to personal accounts can provide information about your finances, communications, whereabouts, and support network. If another person knows your passwords, they may be able to monitor your activities, read messages, change account settings, or interfere with your access to important services.
Create strong, unique passwords for:
- Email accounts
- Banking applications
- Social media accounts
- Cloud storage services
- Mobile devices
Consider:
- Using a password manager
- Enabling two-factor authentication
- Creating private email accounts that only you can access
- Avoiding passwords that could be easily guested from personal information
Social Media Privacy
Social media can unintentionally reveal a significant amount of information about your daily life, relationships, routines, and location.
Photographs, check-ins, tagged posts, comments, and shared events may provide information that allows someone to track your movements or identify where you are staying. Even when you do not share information yourself, others may reveal details without realising the potential risk.
Review your privacy settings regularly and be cautious about:
- Public check-ins
- Tagged locations
- Shared photographs
- Friend requests from unknown accounts
- Public posts that reveal routines or future plans
Remember that mutual friends and family members may unintentionally disclose information that affects your safety.
Location Sharing
Many devices and applications collect and share location information automatically. While these features can be convenient, they may also create safety risks when someone is attempting to monitor your movements.
Location-sharing functions may be active without you realising it, particularly if accounts or devices were previously set up jointly.
Check whether:
- Phone location services are enabled
- Family-sharing apps are active
- Vehicle tracking systems are linked
- Shared accounts provide location access
- Smart devices are connected to shared profiles
Disable location sharing where it creates a safety risk and review account settings regularly.
Device Monitoring
In some situations, abusive individuals may use technology to monitor communications, movements, internet activity, or personal information. This can occur through shared accounts, installed applications, connected devices, or other forms of digital access.
Warning signs may include:
- Your partner knowing information you have not shared
- Unexplained device behaviour
- Unexpected logins or security alerts
- Suspicious applications or permissions
- Changes to account setting you did not make
- Unusual battery usage or device activity
If monitoring is suspected, seek professional advice before making major changes to your device or accounts. Sudden changes may alert the abusive person and could increase risk in some situations.
Digital safety is an important part of personal safety. Protecting your online information, devices, and accounts can help reduce opportunities for monitoring, increase your privacy, and support your independence during and after an abusive relationship.
SAFETY DURING VIOLENCE
Experiencing violence can be frightening, overwhelming, and unpredictable. During an abusive incident, it may be difficult to think clearly, make decisions, or remember a safety plan. This is a normal response to fear and danger.
Many survivors describe feeling frozen, unable to act, or uncertain about what to do. Others may try to calm the abusive person, leave the situation, protect their children, or seek help. There is no "perfect" way to respond to violence, and no survivor is responsible for the actions of the person choosing to be abusive.
The most important priority during any violent incident is your immediate safety and survival. This means focusing on whatever actions are most likely to reduce danger and help you stay safe in that moment.
It is important to remember that violence can escalate quickly. What begins as verbal aggression, threats, intimidation, damage to property, or controlling behaviour may develop into physical violence with little warning.
Pay attention to situations that have previously preceded violence, such as:
- Increased anger or agitation
- Threats or intimidation
- Excessive jealousy or accusations
- Destruction of property
- Blocking exits or restricting movement
- Increased use of alcohol or drugs
- Escalating arguments or confrontations
Recognising warning signs may provide an opportunity to move to a safer space or seek support before a situation worsens.
Staying Safe During an Incident
If violence appears imminent:
- Move towards exits whenever possible
- Avoid rooms where weapons may be present
- Avoid kitchens, workshops, garages, or storage areas containing potential weapons
- Avoid bathrooms, closets, and other small, enclosed spaces where escape may be difficult
- Keep a phone accessible if possible
- Focus on your immediate safety rather than trying to reason with the abusive person
- Leave the area if it is safe to do so
- Call emergency services if you are in immediate danger
Remember that your goal is not to manage the abusive person's behaviour. Your goal is to stay safe.
If You Cannot Leave Immediately
There may be situations where leaving is not possible.
In these moments, focus on reducing risk as much as possible. Try to move towards areas where help may be available, maintain awareness of exits, and avoid becoming isolated in spaces where you cannot escape.
Some survivors choose to comply temporarily, avoid confrontation, or use de-escalation strategies to reduce immediate danger. These decisions are often made in the interest of survival and should never be mistaken for consent or acceptance of the abuse.
Doing what you need to do to stay safe is not weakness—it is self-protection.
Children's Safety During Violence
Children should never be expected to intervene, break up arguments, or protect a parent during an incident of abuse.
Where appropriate, children should be taught:
- How to call emergency services
- How to leave and go to a designated safe place
- How to use a family safety code word
- Which trusted adult they can contact in an emergency
- That violence is never their fault
Children's role is safety—not rescue.
Emergency Escape Strategies
Having a plan in place before violence occurs can make it easier to act quickly during a crisis.
Consider:
- Creating a code word for trusted family members or friends
- Arranging emergency transport options
- Keeping car keys accessible
- Keeping your phone charged whenever possible
- Identifying a safe place you can go at any time of day or night
- Teaching children how to call for help when age appropriate
- Keeping emergency contacts readily available
The more decisions you can make in advance, the easier it may be to act during a dangerous situation.
After an Incident
The danger does not always end when the immediate violence stops. Many survivors report that threats, intimidation, manipulation, stalking, or further violence continue after an incident has occurred.
When it is safe to do so, consider:
- Seeking medical attention for injuries
- Contacting a trusted support person
- Photographing injuries or property damage
- Keeping records of threats or abusive behaviour
- Contacting police if appropriate
- Reaching out to a domestic violence service for support and guidance
Even injuries that seem minor can become more serious over time. Seeking medical care also creates documentation that may be helpful in the future.
Remember
You are not responsible for preventing abuse, managing another person's behaviour, or keeping the peace at the expense of your safety.
If violence occurs, your priority is survival, safety, and accessing support. Any action that helps protect you and your children during a dangerous situation is a valid response.
PLANNING TO LEAVE
Leaving an abusive relationship is often a process rather than a single event. For many survivors, practical, emotional, financial, and legal considerations all need to be addressed before leaving can safely occur.
It is important to remember that there is no right timeline. Some people leave immediately, while others spend months or years preparing. Safety planning is designed to support survivors wherever they are in that journey.
Emotional Preparations
One of the most misunderstood aspects of leaving an abusive relationship is the emotional impact it can have. Survivors often experience a wide range of conflicting emotions, even when they know the relationship was harmful.
It is common to grieve the loss of the relationship, miss the person, or feel uncertain about the future. These feelings do not mean you have made the wrong decision. They are a normal part of a difficult and complex process.
Leaving can bring:
- Fear
- Guilt
- Sadness
- Anxiety
- Relief
- Uncertainty
These emotions are normal.
Build support through:
- Trusted friends
- Family members
- Counsellors
- Support groups
- Domestic violence advocates
Missing your partner does not mean leaving was the wrong decision.
Financial Preparations
Where possible:
- Save emergency funds
- Establish access to banking facilities
- Gather financial records
- Understand household income and expenses
- Investigate available financial assistance
Housing Preparations
Research:
- Accommodation options
- Emergency shelters
- Family support
- Rental opportunities
- Safe temporary housing
Employment Preparations
Consider:
- Updating your CV
- Securing employment records
- Creating an independent email account
- Protecting workplace information
BEFORE LEAVING
If safe to do so:
- Gather important documents
- Save emergency contacts
- Prepare your emergency bag
- Seek legal advice
- Document incidents of abuse
- Inform trusted individuals
- Develop a detailed safety plan
- Arrange accommodation
- Consider potential reactions from the abusive person
Avoid discussing your plans if this could increase danger.
AFTER LEAVING
Many people assume that once a survivor leaves, the danger immediately ends. Unfortunately, this is not always the case.
For some survivors, the period immediately after separation can involve increased attempts at control, manipulation, harassment, or intimidation. Continuing to review and update your safety plan can help you navigate this stage more confidently.
Staying Safe
Consider:
- Changing routines
- Varying travel routes
- Limiting location sharing
- Informing trusted contacts
- Maintaining awareness of your surroundings
Continued Documentation
Keep records of:
- Messages
- Emails
- Threats
- Property damage
- Witness statements
- Police reports
Security Measures
You may wish to:
- Change locks
- Update passwords
- Improve home security
- Install outdoor lighting
- Notify building security
- Inform neighbours you trust
SAFETY PLANNING FOR CHILDREN
Children often see, hear, or sense more than adults realise. Even when abuse is not directed at them, exposure to domestic violence can have a significant impact on their wellbeing and sense of security.
Including children in safety planning helps them understand what to do in an emergency without placing responsibility for protection on them. Their role is to stay safe and seek help from trusted adults.
Help children by:
- Creating age-appropriate safety plans
- Teaching emergency contact numbers
- Identifying trusted adults
- Practising how to access help
- Reassuring them that abuse is never their fault
Children's role is safety — not protection.
SCHOOL SAFETY PLANNING
Schools and childcare facilities can play an important role in keeping children safe after separation. Clear communication about collection arrangements, court orders, and emergency contacts can help prevent misunderstandings and reduce risk.
Providing schools with relevant information ensures they know how to respond if concerns arise.
Provide schools with:
- Emergency contacts
- Copies of court orders
- Collection restrictions
- Custody arrangements
Ask schools to:
- Keep information confidential
- Alert you to concerns
- Restrict unauthorised collection
SAFETY PLANNING FOR PETS
Pets are often deeply loved family members, and unfortunately, they may also be used as a means of control, intimidation, or emotional manipulation.
Many survivors delay leaving because they fear what may happen to their animals. Including pets in a safety plan can reduce this anxiety and ensure they are protected alongside the rest of the family.
Consider:
- Identifying temporary carers
- Researching pet-friendly shelters
- Obtaining veterinary records
- Preparing pet supplies
- Ensuring pets are microchipped and registered
Pets should be included in every safety plan.